My son Euan is on March break and has been making the most of all those extra hours in his day.
His latest project has been to translate my first book When You Were Small into Scots - inspired by the Scots translation of Roald Dahl's The Twits which is quite wonderfully titled The Eejits, as well as a joke Wikipedia page talking "beuks for bairns". He was wondering what my book would be called and then found a British dialect translation site called Whoohoo and patiently plugged in a good chunk of the text (see below). That was thrilling enough but now he has made a new cover to go along with it.
An excerpt from When Ye Waur Wee
Every nicht at bedtime Henry an' his faither hae a caw th' crack. it aye begins th' sam way. "Dad," says Henry. "Teel me abit when Ah was wee."
When ye waur wee ye used tae hae a pit ant an' ye woods tak' heem it fur walks oan a leash.
When ye waur wee we used ye as a chess piece, coz uir chess board was missin' a body ay th' knights an' ye waur th' perfect size.
When ye waur wee we used tae gie ye baths in th' teapot, an' when ye waur dain we coods jist tip it ower an' poor ye it.
When ye waur wee we lit ye sleep in a body ay mah baffies. th' left a body. Ye used a fuzzae wash clootie fur a blankit an' a tea poke fur a pillaw.
When ye waur wee yer maw ance tint ye in th' bottom ay 'er purse. When she foond ye again, ye waur clingin' tois an earrin' she'd tint thee years afair.
When ye waur wee ye wair a thimble fur a hat.
When ye waur wee ye rode oan th' car's back loch ye waur an emperur an' he was an elephant.
When ye waur wee ye used a ruler fur a toboggan.
When ye waur wee we pit ye oan top ay th' christmas cabre insteid ay th' angel.
When ye waur wee ye cooldnae hauld a spoon sae ye used tae sit oan th' edge ay mah porridge bowl an' dip yer heed in loch a bairn spyug.